Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Dodging a Bullet

Status: Happily alive.

What's playing on iTunes? STAND BY ME by Ben E. King

I almost died today.

Sounds dramatic, right? Perhaps a little exaggerated? Nope. Today, I almost bought it, and in spectacular fashion too.

There's a reason why mechanics, parents, and anybody with common sense or an aversion to procrastination tells you to change bald tires. If you don't, you could DIE.

Take today's little near death experience. I'm driving back from the city, merging from I684 to I84 in the sodden mess called New England weather, and took the ramp a little too fast. I feel myself begin to skid, make a small adjustment which evidently was too much, fishtailed a little bit more to the left, then waaaay too much to the right, and found myself doing a complete 360' right in the middle of the highway in oncoming traffic; in fact, I got the front license plates of the two tractor trailors bearing down on me, honking and swerving and challenging my bladder to remain sealed.

Fortunately, God loves me, because that's the only thing that saved my keester. Even my fabled panther-ninja skills weren't enough. Chronometric time as I knew it disintegrated. I had time to freak, pray, yank the emergency break and somehow spin perfectly to the side of the highway right into the breakdown lane while somehow avoiding obliteration. Well, almost perfectly; my back end was sticking out a little.

Trembling, wide-eyed and completely sprizzlefracked, I realized that I was still alive. Yippie-Skippies! Nothing like a little near death experience to get the juices flowing. Suddenly everything that was dragging me down didn't seem so heavy. After a couple of quick, shallow breaths I realize that an argument could be made that that was fricking AWESOME. Well, maybe awesome is not the right word, exhilarating perhaps? I dunno, something. Terrifying for sure, but...what a rush. In fact, that more I think about it, the more I realize that all that was missing was me rolling down my window and sticking out a Glock to fire on my villain pursuers! All right, that's the writer in me, but it was cuh-raazy! I haven't told my parents. I don't think I will. This will be a true test to whether or not they actually read my blogs.

Moral of the story? Don't be a Steve; procrastination is not your friend. Change your tires, drive safe in the rain, and be grateful for all that you have. Or there might be an angry tractor trailor in your future.

Oh, and guardian angels rock. Thanks, guardian angel. :)

Steve out.