Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Writing and Bootcamp

Status: Bleary-eyed

What's playing on the iPod? THAT SONG by Big Wreck

I think every human being should go through bootcamp.

I'm sure there are many who might beg to differ, but there's nothing like having everything you've ever taken for granted snatched away from you at a million decibels, and then having to earn it back piece by piece. Wanna know what nirvana is in bootcamp? A patio break. Just fifteen minutes of blissful solace on a twenty by twenty slat of concrete just outside the squadron without any devil-spawn training sergeant filling your life with terror and irate tangents. With a can of Coke and a bag of Famous Amos Chocolate Cookies.

True story.

So, who gives a flying rat's furry butt, anyway? Well, you should, if you're a writer or know one. There is a link. In the same way only another veteran can know the trials and tribulations of bootcamp, (words are inadequate to convey the experience properly, which is saying something coming from a writer) only another writer can know the AAAAAHHHRRRGGGHHHH-ness of the craft.

Creating something from nothing is no tip-toe through the petunias. Especially when you're already too little butter spread over a seriously large jalepeno bagel. I love this one, "Oh, you're just going to go and write? Can you help me with some real work?" Suh-lap. Please pick up lips off floor and come again.

And even when you do get the time, it's no guarantee that you're going to get anything useful done. Suddenly the dictionary becomes riveting. I once organized a handful of dried pepper seeds into three armadas and did battle with a quarter and two nickels. The pepper seeds won.

I guess my point is this: Writer's are a different breed. They're a little on the weird side and they have little...peccadillos, so if you know one who is reaching exasperation level 5 kajillion because they're looking for a little tranquitlity to tackle a particuarly obstinate chapter, go easy on them. Otherwise they might just spontaneously combust. And that's no fun. Well, for most people at least.

Steve out.